Action Society has seen time and time again how difficult it can be for women to escape an abusive relationship. These reasons are often complicated and vary strongly from person to person.
First, we need to examine why many women stay in abusive relationships. A peer-reviewed study conducted by a psychology professor found eight main reasons women find themselves trapped in these types of relationships.
The primary and most commonly observed reason has to do with ‘distorted thoughts’ and how abusers control and gaslight their victims and make it very difficult to escape these difficult situations. Abusers will accuse the victim and make them believe that the abuse they are suffering is due to their own behaviour and actions. This leads to a vicious cycle of self-blame. In some cases, victims will downplay the abuse and convince themselves that the abuse they are suffering does not qualify as actual abuse and that they are exaggerating it in their own heads.
Fear, damaged self-worth, feeling they can change their partners’ behaviour towards them, children, family expectations, financial constraints and isolation are the other most common reasons cited among women who stay in abusive relationships.
How do I escape this cycle?
The first step is to recognise what type of abuse the victim is being subjected to. Abuse comes in different forms, and it is vitally important to recognise the nature of the abuse to best come up with a way out. The most common forms of abuse are:
- Physical abuse: Hitting, slapping, pushing, choking, etc.
- Emotional/psychological abuse: Insults, manipulation, threats, controlling behaviour.
- Verbal abuse: Yelling, name-calling, demeaning language.
- Sexual abuse: Forced or coerced sexual activity.
- Financial control: Limiting your access to money or resources.
The second step is to reach out for help. The first port of call is family and friends. A therapist or counsellor is the next best option if a supportive family structure is unavailable to the victim. Unfortunately, many women do not have access to these sources of aid for various reasons, and their best option is to contact domestic abuse hotlines.
Now that you have recognised the abuse and made the brave decision to reach out for help, it is time to plan your escape.
Leaving an abusive relationship can be risky; however, planning ahead can help you minimise the danger:
Come up with a safety plan: Your plan should involve the following:
- Identifying a safe place to go (friend’s house, family, or a shelter).
- Setting aside emergency money, important documents (ID, bank info, etc.), or other essentials.
- Having a phone or means of communication ready in case of emergency.
- Pack a bag discreetly: If possible, prepare a bag with essentials (clothes, identification, medication, etc.) that you can grab quickly. Keep it in a place your abuser won’t easily find.
Once you have reached a place of safety, it is time to weigh your options and plan the next steps. One of your first steps should be to contact Action Society or a similar organisation. Our dedicated team will put you in contact with the best counsellors, and our legal team will help you get a protection order to ensure your abuser does not stalk or harass you once you have escaped their clutches.
Remember, you are not alone in this fight. Take comfort in the fact that there are people who dedicate their lives to helping victims of abusive relationships. Action Society is at the forefront of combatting this plague of violence against women and children. We will do everything possible to ensure you emerge from this as a victor.
